On 24th December 2016 i was relieved from my job on my request. It wasn’t a welcome gift to Baby Christ, as much i would like to believe behind the karma that would entail i didn’t tentatively plan it. The decision to leave depended on many issues which i don’t want to discuss. Today marks the 30 days anniversary of my general lazying around. I would like to just put into words some of the emotions i have gone into in this last 30 days.
My initial days after leaving the job breezed past because Christmas, friends were around and the realizations of it all was in the seeping stages. Soon it was 1st of Jan, all the festivities were wrapped up and question for what next soon gathered clouds. There attained a cycle of sorts in daily life just like how it was when i had job but a new one now. Before leaving the job i thought about how i would go about in my pursuit for next. That stayed the course but its that time in between that really matters. That’s when all the question really rush back scrawling at your brain. Few instances like walking down my apartment building and greeting someone in the middle of afternoon felt odd, not visiting family occasions was a must because i don’t need the sympathy or unsolicited advise. There are not many ways you can tell your aunt to back off with all those intrusive questions because I know she means well. Due to my reluctance to address my current situation i also lied about my employment or lack of thereof to my ex colleagues. It was chase to go under the radar not be seen and talked about.
OK I left one detail out. My younger brother who was working in Mumbai also left his job. I had no prior knowledge of this. This made things difficult at home. Its obviously very awkward for parents to see their sons just lazying around at home. I feel horrible about this all the time. I think it would have been much better if this was not the case. Although my parents are very understanding all throughout.
How did I kill my time? Well i guessed now that i have enough amount of time on my hand why not do all those things i used to envy not doing in my job days. Visit movie screenings, talks, seminars etc. Every morning i saw myself pouring over a newspaper event section for something interesting to check out (job posting too). I found purpose in doing all these things, gave me motivation to look forward. I took out my bike for short 2-3 hrs trip around the place late in the evening. Saw sunsets in ferries and tried to discover more interior roads to burn the rubber. I also began writing, since start of the year now i have maintained a movie diary. There are some unfinished business I need to focus on.
Its bloody difficult staying at home after leaving your work. I wouldn’t recommend it. Not if you have anxiety issues because the possibilities everything going wrong keeps egging your mind. Like constantly hovering pervasive dementors. But I guess I have a good support system around me, friends, family and interest to plan around. Another thing that keeps you in positive state of mind is thinking that everything can go upward from here, there is opportunity around the corner. Heres to keep ploughing.